Q: What did the black guy do after he won the lottery?
A: He bought a limousine and hired a white guy to ride around in the back seat.

Q: What do you call a butler from India?
A: Mahat Macoat.

Q: What did the Polish mother do to stop her son from biting his nails?
A: She bought him a pair of shoes.

Q: What is the difference between a Polack and a turd?
A: The color.

Q: What was big, brown, hairy, had big lips, and fell off the Empire State building?
A: Martin Luther Kong.

Q: How long do folks from Arkansas cook their meat?
A: Until the tire marks go away.

Q: What did Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, and Crooked 
Hitlery have in common?
A: The first three liked to sleep with men.

Q: When Slick Willie was president, what was the Presidential anthem?
A: "Kneel to the Chief."

Q: What was the recipe for Slick Willie stew?
A: One small weenie in hot water.

Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say to Slick Willie?
A: "Why didn't you just drive her home?"

Q: What would have happened if the draft dodging Slick Willie were gay?
A: All the cigars in the White House would have tasted like shit.

Q: What do you call a doctor who treats fat chicks' vaginas?
A: A rhinocologist.

Q: What did one testicle say to the other testicle?
A: It was Peter who did all the shooting.  Why should we hang?

Q: Why do Mexicans eat refried beans?
A: To get a second wind.

Q: What do Puerto Ricans use for wedding rings?
A: Flea Collars.

Q: What is the definition of "fair"?
A: If chicks can have PMS, men can have ESPN.

Q: What is a good sign you're getting too old?
A: Your wife gives up sex for Lent and you don't find out
until Easter.

Q: What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: A Senator.

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so short?
A: Because they aren't his.

Q: Why do they frisk students in New York public screwels?
A: So if you don't already have a gun, they can provide you one.

Q: Why did Michale Jackson give up Pepsi?
A: He went back to Seven and Up.

Q: What is a sure sign that a guy is really in love?
A: When he divorces his wife.

Q: How can you tell when you're really a loser?
A: When, on your wedding night, your bride says she wants to date other men.

Q: How can you tell when a chick has been masturbating with a cucumber?
A: When the salad comes, so does she.

Q: What happened to the transvestites who got arrested?
A: They were charged with male fraud.

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend is too fat?
A: You have to take her to Sea World to get baptized.

	A little boy walks in to his parents' bedroom while they 
are having sex.  He asks, "What are you doing, Mommy?"
	"Daddy is so fat that I am bouncing all the air out of him."
	"That won't do any good Mommy," he responded.  "The 
lady next door will just blow him back up again."

Q: What is the definition of Branson, Missouri?
A: Las Vegas for the toothless.

Q: What is the difference between a faggot and a suppository?
A: Nothing.

Q: What is a lesbian's favorite pet?
A: A lap dog.

Q: What is the name of the TV show that featured fags in Nazi prison camp?
A: Hogan's Homos.

Q: What is the name of the faggot organization that sexually abuses pigs?
A: HAMBLA.

Q: What's the difference between an Irishman and a Muslim?
A: The Irishman gets stoned before he sleeps with someone else's wife.

Q: What did the guy do when his Italian wife left him?
A: He masturbated with a brillo pad.

Q: How did the Jewish American Princess commit suicide?
A: She jumped off her stack of credit cards.

Q: How ugly was the Italian girl?
A: She was so ugly even a leech wouldn't give her a hickey.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Not enough.

Q: What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain and agony?
A: Unemployed.

Q: What's the definition of a jury?
A: Twelve people who decide which side has the better lawyer.

Q: What's the difference between O J and Colonel Sanders?
A: Colonel Sanders kills his chicks before he batters them.

Q: Why did Slick Willie have a clear conscience?
A: Because he never used it.

Q: What did Mark Fuhrman do that a black chick can't?
A: Got O J off.

Q: How does Snow White get seven inches of hard cock?
A: One inch at a time.

Q: What do you get when you cross Madonna and a convertible?
A: A singer whose top comes right off.

Q: How can you tell if the wedding you're attending in Arkansas is high class?
A: The bride's veil covers most of her overalls.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lesbian with a lawyer?
A: A lawyer who won't fuck you.

Q: What has four balls and eats ants?
A: Two uncles.

Q: What's the difference between meat and fish?
A: When you beat your fish, it dies.

Q: How can you tell Deadhead has been to your house?
A: He's still there.

	So your lawyer and your mother-in-law are both trapped in 
a burning building, and you only have time to save one of them.  
What is the best thing you can do?
	Go catch a movie.

Q: Hear about the Jewish American Princess with leprosy?
A: She talked her head off.

Q: What comes after 69?
A: Listerine.

Q: Hear about the Puerto Rican who was too young to drive?
A: He stole taxis.

Q: What does a JAP consider aerobics?
A: Shopping faster.

Q: What does a JAP at an orgy say?
A: What?  MY turn again?

Q: How can you tell which parents at the PTA meeting are Sicilians?
A: They're the ones attending under an assumed name.

Q: How can you tell if an chick is half Irish and half Italian?
A: She mashes her potatoes with her feet.

Q: Why did the Polack marry his dog?
A: Because he had to.

Q: How do you stop a Polack from biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.

Q: Hear about the Polish duck hunters?
A: Their decoy got away.

Q: Why are Catholic girls always so silent during sex?
A: They don't believe in talking to strangers.

Q: What do you get when you cross a German with an Irishman?
A: Someone who is too drunk to follow orders.

Q: What about the klansman from Arkansas?
A: He was a real sheethead.

Q: Why don't cannibals eat Jewish kids?
A: Because they're always spoiled.

Q: Why are turtleneck sweaters so popular in Poland?
A: Because they cover up the flea collars.

Q: Did you hear about the new dance hall in Israel?
A: It's called "Let My people go-go."

Q: Why did the Polish scientist stay up night after night?
A: He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

Q: Why is teen sex so exciting in Baghdad?
A: You never know if the car is going to explode before you do.

Q: Why don't Iraqis go to bars anymore?
A: Because they can get bombed at home.

Q: How can you tell for sure if a bride is Jewish?
A: After the wedding, all her relatives gather up and save the rice.

Q: What is a sure sign that a hospital patient has AIDS?
A: He gets is shots with a dart gun.

Q: What proof do we have that parrots are smarter than chickens?
A: There's no such thing as Kentucky Fried Parrot.

Q: Why did the faggot pickpocket always come home empty-handed?
A: He was just browsing.

Q: Hear about the Jewish American Princess who was bisexual?
A: Twice a year was too much.

Q: What is the motto of the gay Canadian Mounties?
A: We always get our man.  And we get to keep him, too.

Q: Hear about the queer Dutch boy who stuck his finger 
in the dyke?
A: She beat the shit out of him.

Q: Why did the Jewish lesbian move back to Israel?
A: She missed the Hebrew tongue.

	Don’t know why we’re afraid of the North Koreans.
	They haven’t gone to war in 60 years, but look at all 
the medals their generals are wearing. We could defeat 
them with a large magnet.

Q: Hear about the young guy who gave his first blow job?
A: It left him with a queer taste in his mouth.

Q: Did you hear about the new popsicle for queers?
A: Its got hair around the stick.

Q: Did you hear the one about the Australian guys 
who came late for the gay Olympics?
A: They couldn't get out of Sydney.

	Little Billy the Boy Scout comes home and has 
a hand grenade in his pants.
	His mother asks him, "What's that you have 
in your trousers?"
	"A hand grenade," he replies honestly.
	"Holy Shit!  Why do you have a hand grenade 
in your pants?"
	"So the next time that fucking faggot scoutmaster 
tries to grab my cock I can blow his fingers off."

Q: How can you tell if your wife is truly ugly?
A: When the waiter brings your food to the table and 
places her plate on the floor.

Q: What is the lesbian's favorite ice cream flavor?
A: Sardine.

	A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get
out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't
help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
	The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't
help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Q: What do you call a retired black hooker?
A: Grandma.

Q: What did the rooster say to the hen?
A: How would you like your egg this morning?

Q: What is a surefire clue that a nuclear power plant is unsafe?
A: The billing department moves out.

Q: How can you tell when you have bad breath?
A: The first thing in the dentist's office, he heads for the laughing gas.

	The Puerto Rican girl was on the witness stand and the 
prosecutor asked her, "When you were being raped, did you 
scream for help?"
	She nodded.
	"And did anyone come?"
	"First he did, then I did."
	
Q: How can you tell if your son is a true sadist?
A: He gets a girl pregnant just so he can watch the rabbit die.

Q: Did you hear about the slutty cheerleader?
A: She came home late from the football game with a bad 
case of athlete's fetus.

Q: Why did Woody Allen have to go see the doctor?
A: He had a diaper rash.

Q: What is the definition of a true genius?
A: A nudist who has a good memory for faces.

Q: How can you tell your parents really hate you?
A: Your house catches on fire and they send you back inside 
to play.

Q: Why do Polacks have arms?
A: So their fingers don't smell like armpits.

Q: How can you tell when you have a bad acne problem?
A: When your dog calls you Spot.

Q: How do they play baseball in Mexico?
A: Drink some water and then try to make it home.

Q: What's the difference between love and insanity?
A: Insanity lasts forever.

Q: How can you spot the redneck at Sea World?
A: He's the one carrying a fishing pole.

Q: What is a surefire clue that a chick is really ugly?
A: She blindfolds herself before she showers.